Not every automaker CEO is down on his knees with cap in hand. Some of them are too proud to beg... and Taipan Daily won't have to beg either with the right options strategy.

Not every auto manufacturer wants charity, you know.

While Detroit’s CEOs were up on Capitol Hill whining and begging like street junkies for a mere $25 billion to tide them over until spring, salesmen from Bentley, Lamborghini and Maserati were working the floor of the Los Angeles Auto Show like madmen in an attempt to stem their stateside sales losses.

Now don’t let their $500 suits and smooth manners fool you. These guys are hurting too. Lambo’s down 15% (pretty much a match to the whole biz’ 2008 decline). And Volkswagen AG’s Bentley group has slipped a whopping 30%.

No Pain Here

It’s not that the folks who normally buy these million-dollar monsters are truly hurting but so much. Perhaps the folks who buy BMWs and Mercedes are up against it right now. But this class is truly different than the rest of us.

While we might go so far as to flaunt a new E-Class as a token of our survival in dark times, to them, it just seems imprudent – or maybe even rude? – to show up at the club in a sparkling new “Azure” or “Reventón,” when the board has just voted to fire the gardener’s assistant. Better to make do with last year’s. After all, it’s not like the leather seats are soiled or such.

Still, despite these losses, these giants of gentility will not beg, not from you and not from Washington either. Aston Martin’s Ulrich Bez has even reputedly been overheard admonishing his people to actively pursue buyers with tales of grandeur (and maybe even hints as to a Vantage’s potential increase in value during these rough times).

The Man Who Saved the Planet

But of one thing you can be sure: the above persuasive admonitions do not come with discounts or “deals” of any sort. Aston Martin may indeed be staring at a 20% shortfall in 2008. But they do not beg.

Speaking of folks who could afford one of Mr. Bez’ prize stallions, those fine folks who own Major League baseball teams have been flying in to New York City for their quarterly confab. Commissioner Bud Selig thought they might be entertained (and possibly informed) by a guest speaker, so he asked his old friend Paul Volcker to stop by.

The once (and perhaps future?) Fed Chairman is a favorite of many of the league’s owners. Tampa Bay Rays owner Stuart Sternberg (who knows Volcker from the days when he was on the board of the American Stock Exchange) has described him as “the man who saved the planet.”

Eight More Years of Drought

Unfortunately, Mr. V. had nothing but dour pronouncements for the group. As Lew Wolff (owner of the Oakland A’s and Chairman of Sunstone Hotel Investors) put it, “He was pretty much alerting us that this is not over yet.”

On second thought, perhaps it is impolitic (or even imprudent) for gentlemen of this high caliber to be seen browsing in the Bentley show room. The League is reputed to have brought down some $6.6 billion in 2008. No on-the-record official, however, wants to guess whether 2009 will be anywhere near as kind.

Now, I am not a member of that rather exclusive club. (At best I occasionally kick in to help fund our local little league franchise.) Nor am I “The Hero of 1979.” But I will gladly hazard a guess as to how long this recession will last: Eight more years.

The Printers’ Devil (Look It Up)

Sound a little draconian? Don’t let it worry you overly much. First off, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Secondly, it’s not like the stock market will tank the entire time.

In fact, I do believe that President-elect Obama will be able to re-inflate American blue chip stocks reasonably quickly. He had pretty much promised to print as many dollars as it will take to float the markets, secure the middle class, cure poverty (and cancer too for that matter), and fight a war or three on the side.

The real question won’t be whether this is achievable – with an infinite source of dollars it most certainly is – but whether it is sane.

No, wait, I am wrong.

Ride Both Sides of the See-Saw

Since there appears to be absolutely nothing we can do to stop this juggernaut, perhaps the only real question is: “How do we make so much money off it that they can’t possibly tax and inflate away our whole net worth?”

The answer is smile, nod, appear to be a team player... and play puts and calls on the whole damn mess as the market inevitably twitches and writhes thousands of points each way.

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