Enough with all this endless recycling: It’s time to throw out Washington’s trash

I know we are being encouraged to “think green” these days. But it is surely possible to take even such a virtuous idea as recycling and practice it with such fervor as to render it downright awful.

Seriously, I love my fleece jacket, which, I am assured by the 16 plastic-coated labels the manufacturer attached with indestructible plastic lanyards, is made from 236 used plastic pop bottles. But you know, every now and then, I think of all those lips drinking all those sticky sweet sodas and shudder.

Another area where perhaps we ought to recycle a tad less? Politicians come to mind. Seems to me that a couple of them keep passing around like a bad penny. Or maybe a social disease.

Vengeance Is Ours?

Here are a few examples of warmed-over apparatchiks we just can’t quite seem to get off the bottom of our collective shoes.

I’ve been reading a bit about the government’s efforts to put a couple of the conmen who got us into this whole mess in jail. It’s really just for personal satisfaction, as I don’t think these prosecutions will actually change human nature: There will always be gullible rubes looking for deals that are just too good to be true, just as there is a perpetual supply of smooth-talking gents offering free lunches.

Currently, the FBI is investigating 38 cases of corporate fraud or financial wrongdoing relating specifically to the grand crisis currently afflicting us. We are told that this rough double of the FBI’s white-collar crime caseload is straining this unit nigh unto its breaking point, as most of its resources have been diverted to counterterrorism.

In an effort to relieve said strain, the work is being passed around a bit. And so we read that the TARP program already has its own special inspector general, a Mr. Neil Barofsky, who has opened several criminal investigations of his own.

Dizzyingly Recursive

Finally, and here’s where things get a touch “peculiar” as it were, Mr. Barofsky tells us that he is coordinating his efforts with New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo.

Now, if it seems like you have heard that name before, it’s only because you have. First off, Mr. Cuomo’s dad was former New York Governor and perpetual presidential “maybe” Mario Cuomo.

But that’s not young Andrew’s only dynastic connection. Until quite recently, he was married to Robert F. Kennedy’s seventh kid, Kerry Kennedy. And even that is not the real winner.

The Guy Who Started It All?

Dial your way-back machine to the days of the Clinton administration, and you’ll find Mr. Cuomo sitting pretty at the helm of the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Indeed, many historians of our current troubles credit our entire economic collapse to Mr. Cuomo’s vigorous championing of subprime mortgages as poverty’s cure all.

Round and round we go: The very man who may have started the ball rolling is now prosecuting the Wall Street-types who rode said ball down the hill. But it’s not like Mr. C is the only recycled cad on the scene today.

The Old Team Burned Trillions to No End…

In late 2006, the federal debt was already somewhere around 9 trillion dollars. Then that snowball I just mentioned began to roll down hill, freezing most every bank it touched along the way.

President Bush put together a powerful triumvirate to deal with the crisis: His new Secretary of Treasury, Hank Paulson; his new Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke; and a smart young up-and-comer, New York Fed President Timothy Geithner. Altogether they burned some 2 trillion dollars trying to defrost the system with Fed rate cuts, incredibly generous “short-term lending” terms, and the original “TARP.”

None of the old team’s efforts bore fruit, and the banking system remains as glacially locked today as it was a year ago. So now we are debating whether Washington should put out another $700 billion, or just round it up to an even trillion.

So Out With the Old and In With… What?

But wait: At the behest of our New President (who is, I am told, a big proponent of change) we have a new team in place. And now, our brand-new Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, is proposing a new plan, which would throw as much as another $100 billion at the still-frozen banking system.

Now Mr. Geithner can’t quite recall what happened to the last $700 billion we gave him (something about a rabbit with a pocket watch?). Nor does he particularly wish to tell us what he plans on doing with this new program (something about a new suit of clothes for the emperor?).

But it’s all okay, folks. Because our current Fed Chairman, Mr. Bernanke, assures us that the new team will be much more transparent, honest and straightforward than the old team was.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you attempt to recycle bad stuff and bad ideas. Sometimes, you simply must toss it all into history’s dust bin and start fresh.

Sincerely yours,

Adam

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Other Related Topics: Bank Bailout , Editor Adam Lass

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